Forgiveness: Part 1 of many....
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| Simba showing his alien side |
A bit ago I was presenting a Kaity’s Way Healthy
Relationships Workshop. One of the attendees was a seventeen-year-old young man
who had been in an abusive relationship that rendered him stabbed in the leg
and yes it did clip the artery. His baby momma/ex-girlfriend found out he was
talking with another girl and eventually stabbed him. My question to him was why was she not in this workshop also. After obtaining more information, what we had here
is two children that have a child of their own that have no idea about what a
healthy relationship looks like. My guess is they are both being raised in
households that jealousy and possessiveness is a way of life and expected to
some degree. Now these children are raising a child in the same toxic environment. She
loves him but nearly kills him?!?!?! What the hell kind of love is that? Super sad
state of affairs, but all too common. Not much different than the environment I
was raised in. My reason for mentioning all of that is because during the
workshop I mentioned the human nature event of wanting to accept an apology and
forgiving someone you love. As I looked at that young man his mother says, “yea
he forgives to easily,” like it was a bad thing. I could see the young man on
one side was used to being put down, but was not comfortable with it, yet felt
powerless. So I took this as an opportunity to help her understand how him
forgiving can be a good thing; simply because him forgiving means he can move
on. She actually took it in stride, no push back at all. I was rather
surprised. You had to be there to understand the vibe in the air.
Is forgiving about the one asking forgiveness or the one the
forgiveness is being asked of? My thought is both, but it depends on the
parties involved and the circumstances. It also depends on the sincerity of the
apology or the request for forgiveness; what wrong was done and to what degree.
No matter how you look at it there are various ways to deal with forgiveness
again considering all the variables.
Going back to the young man mentioned above. Him forgiving
does allow him to move on and not hold a grudge, if that is what he is doing.
Maybe he is just letting it go so it does not eat at him from the inside out.
It is possible that he sees the wrong doings as normal too, so it’s just life.
Either way the conversation his mom and I had may have given him a bit of an
insight to the benefits of forgiving.
Always planting seeds of knowledge or trying to….
Now what about him asking forgiveness? I know he was the one stabbed, as described by him and his mother, it was a mutually abusive relationship. We discussed that a
bit too; it was just a two-hour workshop and there was a lot to cover so we only
had a few minutes. Overall we discussed how everyone is capable of hurting
someone in one way or another. Maybe it was an accident or not. Sometimes it is
with words other times it is with actions. The thing is, what ever happened
needs to be acknowledged, responsibility taken, learn from the mistake, apology
given and move on. No need to wallow or dwell any longer than to sincerely ask
for forgiveness. Once that sincere forgiveness is asked for the requestor needs
to move on. It is polite to wait for an answer, but be prepared for either
answer. An answer such as, yes I accept your apology, is easy to move on from.
Although, it is important that the requestor not let it happen again otherwise
the sincerity is out the door. The flip side is they are not forgiven. Well
there is nothing you can do but move on. You cannot and should not in any way
insist or try to make them forgive you. The most you can do is move on and not
let it happen again. Actions really do speak louder than words.
There is a whole lot more to forgiveness, so for the sake of keeping
this blog being simple I am going to break this down into several blogs over
the next few months. Until the next time have a great week and Take Care!
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