Forgiveness Part 3: The Ask
There is not a mistake made that cannot be forgiven as long as you
find the courage to admit the mistake was made.
-Bruce Lee
For some this is a doozy.... Asking for forgiveness or apologizing can be a bit
intimidating or downright scary. As children we are taught to say sorry, but
did we always understand why or what the issue was. I could see where it would
be a lesson of accepting responsibility, resolving it and moving on. If explained correctly
the child will learn that mistakes happen, but it is important that we assess
and acknowledge. That acknowledgment may require an apology or an ask for forgiveness.
So why is the idea of apologizing or asking forgiveness so foreign
to some? There are some who under no circumstances will utter apologetic words,
but they will try to do things to make up for the misdeed. I have
come across people like this and I take issue with the actions of an apology rather
than the words. I actually would prefer both. Don’t trip, yes I want my cake and
eat it too and I believe that is how it should be with apologies and forgiveness….
Hear me out
before you judge, did you read my last blog?
Okay so say my husband cut down some of my new seedlings while
weed eating the side yard (based on a true story). It was not intentional at all…. Now when I noticed my
seedlings were missing I did not know for sure what had happened to them. I thought at first that the pigeons had taken them out. We’ve been having a dilly
of a time with pigeons this season. I also noticed that the vegetation
around the seedlings was cut and I knew my husband had the weed eater out the
day before. So, rather than assume, I asked my husband if he weeded in that area
and he said yes.
There are several ways he could have handled this:
Ø He could have shrugged his shoulders as if
to say, so what….
Ø He could have said something to turn it on
me, "well what did you expect when you planted them there?"
Ø He could have said nothing and planted more seeds on his own.
Can you see how the above could potentially escalate into an
unnecessary situation? Seriously….. I saw this constantly as I was growing up.
The adults in my family did not say SORRY or I LOVE YOU. These statements were trumped
by pride and ego. The fights over such issues we witness were ridiculous and completely uncalled for.
Notice how the above is specific to adults. Yea, that annoyed
me as a kid in my family; they were the epitome of do as I say not as I do. Such an inconsistent disposition.... Imagine the confusion.
So how did my husband handle the chopped down seedling situation….. wait for it…..
As soon as I asked him about weeding
in that area he realized he probably took out some of my seedlings and threw
his head back and with sweetness and remorse said, “Sorry.” With that, it is over and
done with. I understand he understands. No reason to assume anything. It was nothing more than an accident. I also
learned that I need to point out to him what the new seedlings look like, so he knows what not
to whack.
Moral of this blog is if you did something and it hurt someone or
something assess, acknowledge and apologize. We can call it the 3A’s. Then move
on for your own sake and don't let it happen again. If the other person does not move on, you do not have
control of that person, so it is their issue for them to deal with. You still
need to move on….
Please note the key is once you apologize, do not let it happen again as that is the actionable part of an apology that makes it sincere.
An apology without change is just manipulation......
-Facebook Meme
Another Forgiveness blog down and more yet to come…. In the
meantime, Take care and stay positive!
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