Competition: Healthy or Control

Me - Bears & Heidi - Packers

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Competition is something we just do sometimes. There is healthy competition and then there is unhealthy competition. Thinking about the unhealthy side of competition I’ve concluded that it has a whole lot to do with control and obsession. So, in this blog we will refer to unhealthy competition as control.

Let’s break competition down by starting with the definition of the root word according to Google, compete: strive to gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others who are trying to do the same. Well after reading that I now understand why I don’t much like to compete. It oozes of control, establishing superiority over others. According to this graphic, it didn’t start that way.

Humans evolved it into establishing superiority over others. Honestly, I do not see a need to be competitive. I feel like when you start getting competitive you are on a slippery slope of comparing yourself to others and others to you. Which can take you down a rabbit hole of gossip, envy, jealousy and narcissism. I know that sounds a bit drastic but think about it. Think about the people you know. Do any of them have to best everyone around them. They always have a better story, or they always must have the newest toys to show off to others. There are those that when an acquaintance or neighbor buys a boat or car, they will go out and get a bigger or newer or better version and it is simply because in their mind they cannot have or be less. They have a sense of entitlement and will not be out done.

I steer clear of people like this for a couple of reasons. First off, because they are not of a personality type that meshes well with mine. Mostly because material things are just not that important to me. The more toys you have the more you must take care of, leaving less time for taking care of me. Not to mention all material things can be replaced or we can do without them. Therefore, talking to me about how much they spent to get this or what they had to do to get that, I am not impressed if it is coming from a place of, I am better than you. I get it that some people may have accomplished something, and they want to talk about and share it with others. That I have no issues with at all and will listen with anticipation. Yet, if someone is coming at me like they are better than me or someone I may know for one reason or another, yeah I don’t stick around for being belittled or gossip. It is negative and senseless.

Zy & Sienna showing Flash how it is done.... 

Shifting back to healthy competition. Healthy competition, in a lot of cases, involves a contest of some sort and being a good sport either way. In a healthy competition, while there is one that will excel in ability over the others, does not mean they are superior to them. Say for instance a race. Who can run a mile the fastest?  Ready, set, gooooooo and in a few minutes we are going to have someone get there quicker than the rest. Okay, that’s great and they are fast, but does that give them superiority over others? I think not and someone that knows healthy competition will not even begin to think in such a way. What they will do after they catch their breath, is cheer the rest on to crossing the finish line. If there is a straggler way back, maybe get with them and run the last bit encouraging and empowering them. Now that is a good sport for you. What about those that didn’t get there first. Are they okay with that? It depends on their frame of mind when they entered the competition. Maybe for them it is about doing better than the last race they ran. Not necessarily focused on first place, just instead of taking six minutes to run the mile they are trying to run it in anything under that.  Maybe they were in tenth place the last race and this one they came in eighth.  In the end what matters is did you have fun…. I know that kind of came out of left field, but if you think about it a healthy competition is going to be fun. Someone exercising superiority over others, usually is not fun.

Then why do people feel they have or need to be superior over others? Hmmmmm, might it be a lack of self-esteem, insecurities and/or ego. That certainly opens a can of competitive worms. Seriously, what makes anyone superior over another? Why do some

believe there has to be a superior figure? Ut oh, this is getting philosophical. Who knows all? Anyone out there know everything? Nope, don’t think so, so the thought that someone knowing more than another is no reason to exercise superiority over another. Instead of taking a superior role wouldn’t it be more beneficial to share the knowledge. In the mind of someone that is insecure, they are not going to share the knowledge because they are afraid. They basically live in fear and know that knowledge is power. Someone that is insecure will do all they can to keep all power to themselves, thereby giving them a skewed sense of control. The sad thing is they totally miss out on the awesome feeling of helping someone else. Seeing someone else grow and excel because you were able to share with them is truly a great feeling of accomplishment for them and yourself.

To be clear, when I am talking about sharing I am not talking about enabling. There is a line, but it can be walked so all concerned benefit. This will be addressed in a later post.

We have some unanswered questions above, but the blog is getting beyond that few minute read. So, I will close for now and pick this up in the future. In the meantime, Take Care and Keep it Simple (KiS).