Help: Just Ask
Help is something most of us are willing to give, yet when
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| My dad helping his GG daughter off Yellow. |
I have couple of theories on this. Is it the fear of appearing
weak? Maybe it has more to do with rejection? Then maybe it has more to do with
stubbornness. What about if you ask someone for help and they don’t do it like
you want or it takes too much time to explain, it is just quicker to do it yourself.
My kids used to get me with that one. Who knows, but I find it is fascinating that
asking for help must be taught. I say that because I have seen my grand
children get so frustrated over something and instead of asking for help, they
get more and more frustrated. When I notice their frustration, I then take that
as an opportunity to school them on asking for help.
Why is it that asking for help for some equates to weakness?
I think it might have everything to do with conditioning as we grow up. If, as
a child, we ask for help and are told you need to figure that out for yourself,
without any other explanation, or maybe it was just put out there that to ask
for help is to reveal your weaknesses. As a child or young person if weakness
was portrayed as less than or a demeaning quality then I could understand the
connection. Comparison can also bring weakness to asking for help as well. Why
can’t you do it, little Johnny over there was able to do it.
Then there is the fear of rejection. If you ask for help and
someone says no, that can sting a bit. Yet for some it is like a punch in the
gut. Why is it that some of us take rejection so badly and others move on to
the next person? Again, there maybe some conditioning that occurred as we were
growing up. Probably the biggest issue with rejection, is that we can take it
so personal, when in most cases it is not. I believe taking things very personally
has a lot to do with insecurities or low self esteem. I am not going to dive
too deep into rejection in this blog because it can take over. I will write a
blog on the meaning of the word “NO” in a future blog.
Stubbornness can play into not asking for help, because you’ve
come this far by yourself may as well keep with that. Let’s face it, you are the
only one you can trust to do it right. So, we plug away and maybe hope someone
offers to help.
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| Brother helping sister up... |
In any one of these scenarios, we can recondition ourselves
if we so choose to. Yes, this would be exercising your true power and control.
You can change the way you think about things and leave the pre-conditioning in
the past where it belongs. My sister just under me in age was the cats meow for
my mom. She was brilliant, beautiful and very athletic, but no more perfect
than I, but it seemed as if she could do no wrong. She always seemed to catch
all the breaks too. So, there was comparison, which is Wrong. To compare one
child to another is not appropriate simply because they are their own people
and you cannot put children into a one size fits all.
I chose to retrain my brain and I am still working on it. I
really need to ask for help more often, but I am learning and getting better at
it. I believe Kaity’s Way has really helped me with understanding I am going to
be told no from time to time and I just need to keep asking until I get a yes.
If I could do that with Kaity’s Way there is no reason I could not do that for
me. See with asking for Kaity’s Way, I was asking for something I truly believe
in and wanted to see succeed and didn’t take it personal. This helped me
realize I needed to believe in myself and strive for my own success and there
is nothing wrong with that. I also needed to step aside personalizing things.
Not everything was about me or the lack of me. Everyone has their boundaries
and journeys. If I ask for help I need to keep in mind that people have their
boundaries as well as their plate may be full and maybe they don’t have the
time. It could also be a case of jealousy or envy. Which is none of my business
and I will not make it my business. That is their issue to deal with not mine. In
any event, if someone tells me no when I ask for help they are not required to
give me a reason, but most times will. I just need to appreciate they considered
it and answered me honestly.
Imagine that you ask someone to help, and they agreed to
help, but really did not have the time or understanding of what you were
asking. The result is going to be one of discord in a lot of cases. To avoid
this, I try to first realize what help I want to ask for, such as editing my
book. I am going to think about the people I know who understand editing and has
done well with language arts. Intially, I asked my cousin and a friend to look
at the book. Both did very well in language arts. My cousin often refers to
herself as a frustrated English teacher when she reads stuff. My friend does
editing for articles and documents as part of her job. You’d think either of
them would have been perfect, yet neither one did much with the book. After
numerous times asking I eventually gave up. Bottom line, they just did not have
the time. It was not a priority for them and that is okay. Again, they are on
their journey, it is not my place to judge them. Not to mention I care deeply
about them and did not want to alienate them or cause issues with them, because
it wasn’t personal. The timing was just not good. So now I need to find someone
that not only has the skills, but the time as well. I did have another friend
that fit this profile. She agreed to help, and the book came out great.
Seriously, if we stopped taking things so personal, most
frustrations would go away. Taking something personal will only lead you on a
path to assumption and self-doubt. If you would really like to read a good book
on this subject try the, “Four Agreements,” by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is truly
enlightening.
Until next time, take care and Keep it Simple (KiS).
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