Self care: Part II Taking care of others

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For so many years I took care of others and to be honest, there were times of resentment. I was the oldest of five children for my mother. For the most part she was a single parent. So, I had to help with my younger siblings. If mom had to be at work early in the morning or too tired from working the night before, I would get myself, sisters and brother ready 

Me & my Sibs and Cousin ~1973
5th Sib born 1978

and off to school. When I became old enough I would take care of my siblings when mom was at work or out. I recall getting so frustrated at one time that I said, “I am never having kids!”

By the time I was sixteen I was so done…. Still a child myself, I was burnt out on taking care of others. Being a teenager, I just wanted to have fun and be a kid, but that was not really in the cards for me. There were times I was able to get out, but it was limited. For that and other reasons, at sixteen I struck out on my own. Back then technology was in the beginning phases. Therefore, I was able to get into a studio apartment, utilities included for $250 not even a mile from where my mom lived with my siblings. I had no car, so my job was within walking distance too. My boyfriend at the time was a lost soul and couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag. Yeah, I settled too and ended up taking care of him. I left my moms house to be free and found myself once again taking care of someone else. After a year or so of that, I was burning out again and convinced him to go into the army. I knew in my heart if I broke up with him it was not going to go well. -- Another book – He goes into the Army and I go back to my mothers. Only for a few months because it was still chaos and I was not down for it.

Eventually, I ended up getting in touch with someone I used to date in high school. We ended in high school because the summer ended. So not a bad break up, it just wasn’t convenient. He seemed like the same person just more mature, but I did not know him well at all. After a short time dating, we moved in together. I just had to get out of my moms house, the chaos was getting to be too much. There were eight of us living there. Five of those living in the house were ages thirteen to twenty. Bet that alone brings about a chaotic picture. That move I made was literally going from the frying pan right into the fire. Yea, I had to take care of him also, because according to him and his family that's what women do. We were put on this earth to serve man. Biggest bunch of bullshit I have ever heard.


In the five years we were together, he never bought me a birthday present. As a matter of fact, after the first birthday went by without him acknowledging my birthday, I went out and bought myself some stuff the second year. Because you guessed it, he chose to not acknowledge my birthday again. When I got home with the bags from shopping, he asked me, “oh what did you buy me?!” I said, “nothing asshole, it is MY birthday!” From that marriage I had two beautiful children and they were absolutely worth it!!

~2004 Yvonne & I at Gma's

My children were and are everything to me. They were my lifeline. I brought them into this world, so it was my place to take care of them. I chose them, I LOVE them. Even so, I needed a break at times. I was very fortunate to work with some really great people at the time. They were older thAn me and took me under their wing. This is when I started to learn that I do matter. I am an important person, especially for my children. My existence is necessary. Those people helped me make a pivotal turn in my life.

Looking back, the only consistency was 

~2005 Rj and I, Boot Camp
Graduation, San Atonio, TX

love that got us through those times. The love we had for each other and the love from our friends. It was at this time I started learning about selfcare but still put myself on the back burner. My children took priority, but if I did not take care of myself I would not be here to take care of them. I came to realize this when I went to a doctor and he said I may have an aneurism on my aorta. There I was twenty-five years old and might not make it to twenty-six. I felt like a ticking time bomb. To say I was scared was an understatement. Everything worked out, but there were a couple of weeks there that I was walking on pins and needles. I somewhat realized I needed to take better care of myself, but didn’t have a clue where to start. How do I take care of myself when I have these two little people depending on me? Well if I don’t, it won’t matter because I won’t be here to take care of them anyways.

Bottom line if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot properly take care of others. Next blog we will look at how do we take care of ourselves.... With that I will bid you a wonderful week and remember to KiS (Keep it Simple).