Judgement: Part II: Who says....
Don’t judge people for the choices
they make when you don’t know the options they had to choose from or the
circumstances they were surrounded by. I can only speak for me, but unless I
was intimately involved in a decision process it is not my place to judge
anyone for the decisions they make. I may not agree, but there again, if I was
not privy to the circumstances it is not mine or anyone else’s place to pass
judgement.
I was recently judged by someone I
thought cared about me as I did them. Their judgement of me was very hurtful. I
thought they knew me better than that or that I knew them better than that. I
have since forgiven their indiscretions, but I keep my distance as they will
not have the opportunity to ever burn me again.
You see I did something they (we'll
call them 'Tree') did not agree with. I took some time to reset and provide
myself some self-care. Things had become very overwhelming for me and I just
needed to get away to clear my mind. It is not often that I get some down time.
I notified the necessary parties of my plans and all considered had no issue
with me doing what I needed to do. Once Tree learned of my plans, they pitched
a fit and went to some people to share their displeasure of my plans. I am
pretty sure you know where this is going. The others Tree told, told others and
others told others. Next thing you know a ridiculous amount of people are
pissed off at me. Now we have an anti-Bobbi crew among us. The first thing that
came to mind is, what the hell are we in high school again. The bully has
spoken so their followers fall in line. Ridiculous is what it is.... Grown
adults acting like this.
Not sure what Tree's issue is and I
will not presume to know, as that would take precious time from things that
really matter. What Tree did was make an UNINFORMED judgement and shared it with
others. Tree can disagree all they want with what I did, but I never asked
their opinion and would rather have not known their opinion. Tree could have
come to me directly, but chose to instead to get others riled up, maybe to do
their dirty work. Who knows, but the whole Tree situation kind of cracks me up
because why would Tree or anyone else think they have any say in what I do
ever. I pay my own bills and take responsibility for my actions. I did nothing
to hurt Tree or anyone else, I simply decided to take care of myself for once.
Why is it that Tree thought it was their place to pass judgement on anything I
do? I see people do that all the time and find it rather unsettling, but I am
not going to concern myself with the issues of others, especially if they have
not brought me into the fold.
This is what I do when someone is
judging someone else in my presence. First off, if I know the person that is
being judged, depending on what is being said I will either try to shut it down
by saying something like, “I don’t know them like that” or “they are not here
to defend themselves, so it is not fair to talk about them." On occasion I
have asked the person passing judgement if they have shared their concerns with
the person they are judging. If the comments are better not dignified with a
comment I will excuse myself from the conversation. I also excuse myself if I
do not know the person well.
I really don’t care for people who
rip other people when they are not there to defend themselves. Seems like a
weak thing to do no matter how you look at it. From what I have experienced and
seen, people that rip on others when others are not present are insecure and
miserable. People like that are often times bullies and therefore their goal is
to make others feel worse than they do. Yep, there is a connection between
bullies and judgmental people. So I steer clear of them, because their way is
too negative and complex for me. Keeping it Simple (KiS) is where I choose to
stay and live. Until next time take care!
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