Enabling: No bueno
Enabling in my humble opinion is when someone has crossed the line
For instance, a rather healthy elderly couple is having a Will
drawn up and they are not sure about leaving their $5 million dollar estate to
their only child, who is now a thirty something adult. Their concern is that the child has been
irresponsible when it comes to finances. Forever creating debt, filing bankruptcy
for a bail out and repeating the same mistakes. The elderly couple is torn and
you can tell they really want a reason why they should give the money to their
child.
To give someone that is financially irresponsible $5 million
dollars would hurt them more than anything. Some may disagree, but if you
really care about that person you wouldn’t do that to them. The elderly couples
concern is very valid. Their child is acting out the very definition of
insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different
outcome.
So would you give $5
million dollars to someone like their child?
Me personally, I see one of my choices as I could talk with my
child and offer to help them come up with a financially responsible plan and
let them know if they can show they are following the plan and become
financially responsible for a period of time then the estate is theirs. I would be sure the let them know that I can support them emotionally and provide advice as needed. The last thing I would do is give them the money to bail them out. When there is truly a will there is a way. They are going to have to make some changes, but change is good. This in
turn is loving my child in the right way. I am helping them to carry on without me in a healthy and positive manner. I am teaching them how to fish so they
can eat for a lifetime, rather than them just eating as long as I am alive. Yes,
I run the risk of the child being upset, but I gladly accept that risk because I
Love my children that much.
By the way, I have already informed my children they will not
be getting an inheritance of money. Which I am guessing they already knew as we are not monetarily
wealthy people. Even if we did come into some money, I will spend it all before
I go. Oh, before you go down the rabbit hole of, ‘well that is pretty selfish
of her,’ hear me out, but don’t mistake this as if I feel I need to explain
myself. I am making a point.
If you did
go there you need to read my blogs about Judgement.
What I would spend it
on is making memories with them. Memories are one thing no one can take
from us. Therefore, I choose to give my children happy, joyful, positive
memories if they will allow me to do so.
To give a financially irresponsible person $5 million
dollars equates to giving a person that has a harmful addiction a lifetime supply
of their vice all at once. Essentially this could lead to their demise. I
cannot imagine anyone wanting to do that to someone they love. If the child
chooses not to better themselves then another choice is to give the estate to
charity. There are others, but these are the two extremes.
One opposition to enabling is teaching. Yes, it may be quicker
if you just do it yourself, but why does everything have to happen so quickly.
Taking the time to teach your child something is quality time with them. They treasure positive teaching
moments with their parents so very much. The other day while rushing to get
dinner on for a family gathering our oldest granddaughter asked me how to make
gravy. Well I slowed my roll and explained it to her as I was making it. I learned how to make gravy, by being in the kitchen with my Nana….. Such a beautiful
cycle! I truly hope she remembers how to make gravy. Actually, I think the next
time she is over I will put her on gravy duty. It puts a smile on my face to
think of the exchange with her and then the exchange between me and my Nana.
See what goodness memories can do for you…. Grateful memories from both directions is what you get. With that I am going to conclude this post. Until next time, take care and Keep it Simple (KiS). 
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